restsoho.blogg.se - Keep your secrets

Fear of being able to solve the problem or break the habit.Child with a disability or a disability of their own.Sexual orientation (keeping this from family and friends).Bad habits that are hard to break (smoking, eating unhealthy foods, gambling).Hobbies they enjoy but their spouse doesn’t approve of (video games, fantasy football, chatting with friends online, texting too much).

Secrets involving sexuality (rape, STDs, abortion, past promiscuity).

Secrets about finances (hidden debt or secret bank account).

Secrets about family (suicide, alcoholism, domestic or child abuse).

Secrets about personal past (breaking the law, drug and alcohol use, weight).

When a friend, spouse or family member keeps small secrets and chooses not to talk about feelings or experiences, he or she is putting up a wall that hurts the relationship. Once you reveal it, you will let go of negative feelings and clear your mind. Even small secrets, things you live with every day, can keep lingering at the back of your mind. Keeping a secret can cause stress and anxiety, and even depression. Even if it’s not what you want to hear, finally letting go of whatever burden you’ve been carrying could be beneficial to your health, both physically and mentally. It’s best to inform your spouse about the situation and discuss ways you can work together in the best interest of your child.Īfter you say what you need to say, no matter the outcome, you might feel as if a weight has been lifted from your shoulders. Keeping a secret like this is not healthy for you, your husband or your child who might get the backlash when your spouse does find out. He’s unaware of the issue because you’ve kept it a secret from him out of fear that he’ll be too harsh. You’re more of a laid back parent, and your spouse has higher expectations for the child’s grades than you do. Perhaps you have a child who isn’t doing well in school. Sarah fails to realize how destructive her secret shopping is to their relationship. Of course, eventually her husband finds out and they fight about it, but Sarah continues her secret shop-a-holic behavior. In order to continue going on shopping sprees without her husband knowing, she has secret credit card accounts, and makes an effort to hide her receipts and shopping bags. Sarah, a wife and mother of a young and impressionable little girl, has a problem of shopping more often than she should.

In order for their friendship to survive, Robert needs to talk to James, and explain that alcohol is the reason why he avoids inviting him to certain places. Robert’s secret is preventing him from having a close relationship with his good friend, and is slowly driving them apart. Robert doesn’t like confrontation, so rather than address James about the issue he avoids inviting him along to any places that serve alcohol for fear of what might happen. For some time now, whenever Robert brings James to a bar, restaurant or social gathering he has one too many and his behavior becomes embarrassing.

Robert has noticed his good friend James has an alcohol problem. If it’s fear of judgment, can you try to overcome that fear in order to let go? If you’re avoiding disapproval of a bad habit, is it time to come clean in order to avoid the anxiety of keeping the secret? Is your secret big or small? What are you trying to hide and why? If telling your secret will cause damage to your relationship, friend or spouse, you have to decide if you can live with hiding it or if it’s best to reveal it and deal with the consequences. To determine whether or not keeping your secret is justifiable, first be honest with yourself. We keep secrets for all different reasons, but is it ever okay? Secrets, even small ones, can prevent relationships and friendships from being truly close. What people tend to not realize is that harboring a secret could be hurting you just as much as revealing it, if not more. I often talk about the topic of secrets in therapy with my clients.

For some, the secrets may be small and harmless, but for others, they may be great enough to cause damage to personal relationships. We all have secrets we keep locked away from others.